Vacillation in Scotland

I’ve been hesitant regarding finally writing about my time in Scotland, wanting to almost skip that chapter in my travelogue completely. It has nothing to do with the actual country, because let’s face it: I absolutely adore Scotland and loved every day of my time there in some regard. But, it was also my first stop on my first big solo trip with no end-date in sight.

It took me longer than I’d like to admit to really start to feel good, and if we’re being honest, I didn’t start to feel really great until probably my last day there, which is a shame.

Adjusting to this new life wasn’t easy. Every day I faced various emotions, ranging from utter elation to downright I-just-want-to-sit-in-a-dark-room-and-cry depressions. I wish I could be one of those people who didn’t overanalyze or worry about every aspect of everything, but unfortunately, I was born with a brain that never. ever. stops. And with that comes a lot of introspection and self-doubt. Can I really make it out here in the world alone? Did I make the right decision? Is it okay that I am not happy every moment of every day? Am I wasting my travel time by not seeing every single thing that a place has to offer and instead taking it leisurely? I don’t have to stay–I can go “home” any time this gets to be too much–but does that make me a failure?

I still haven’t found the answers to most of these questions. But I do know that since Scotland, I seriously ramped up the pace at which I have been traveling and now I’m paying for it–knocked on my ass by a nasty cold in Iceland when I have lots of things I’d rather be doing than nursing myself back to health. However, back to Scotland.

I spent two gorgeous weeks seeing as much of Edinburgh, Glasgow, and the Highlands as I could; basking in sunshine on more days than I’d expected to, but still loving the rainy and dreary days; and soaking up the accent so much that I actually started thinking in a Scottish accent. (I’ve also adopted the word “wee” and will be using it in my everyday vernacular–don’t hate.)

In the end, I wish I’d planned things a bit differently–perhaps given myself a month to explore the country since the two weeks I was there were still a bit of a learning curve. But you live and learn, and I’m certainly not going to let my adjustment period reflect poorly on my time spent there. Over the next few days I’ll finally be sharing the details of what I did while in Scotland, so stay tuned.